ONE

To be quite honest, thinking of a time when I was at my best was hard for me. I have always been pushed to be the best, and I have always strived to be the best. So thinking of a time, when I was at my best, but not necessarily number one, made me sit down and think. However, after some time, I realized that it did not have to be some amazing feet I accomplished or some stupendous thing that would blow everyone away. That is why, I think that the time I was at my best was my last semester of my Senior year of high school.

I grew up in Carroll, County and I went to Carroll High School. My high school and I never really got along great, but I still tried to work the hardest I could and receive the grades I wanted. During my senior year, I held three jobs, was on the honor roll, was involved in speech and drama, the fall play, and KINS(Kids Into Not Smoking), and also took around another 12 college credits.

Everyone always says from the last day of eighth grade, and even yet in college now, to get involved. I was involved in sports my first three years of high school, along with speech and drama, but that only made me realize I could do more. I liked being a busy body and practices and rehearsals and meetings kept me busy no doubt. Having all of these responsibilities gave me wonderful time management skills. I now know, that I can take the hardest classes offered at my high school, have practice almost every night, have a meeting in the morning, and work in between. Somehow, although I was exhausted sometimes, I made it work for me. I'm learning now, in my Philosophy class, that Aristotle described happiness as being active, and now I understand why.

The three jobs I worked were at St. Anthony Regional Hospital, Jeanine's Hallmark, and at the Carroll Country Club. Each job was quite different from the other. At the hospital I would record food intakes and the CC intake of the patients. While at Hallmark, I would run the cash register and assist customers. However, at the Country Club, I would bartend. I'm not entirely sure what possessed me to have three jobs while in high school, but I'm sure it has something to do with my father. My dad has never stopped working for as long as I can remember. He doesn't have days off or vacation, but he does have enough money for anything he has ever wanted. I think somewhere very early on down the line, I figured out that 'hey, I need to work for what I want, because there aren't any hand me outs in life.' (And then I receive this nifty little scholarship, ironic, eh?) Sometimes I would go from one job to the next, or would have a small break in between, but I always was on time, and I always worked my hardest once I was there. I knew I had to save up for college, and I knew there was only one way to do that.

Now, my senior year was kickin' right along. I was getting straight A's, I was working, I was involved. All of these things have helped me prepare for college in a great way. Time management and money management are two very important things to learn and to be able to attain in your freshman year of college, and I feel as though I was well prepared my senior year.

Then, a not so great thing happened. Around the beginning of my second semester, my Aunt Valerie was diagnosed with cancer for about, I would say the 9 millionth time. Okay, it was realistically probably her seventh or eighth, but it seemed like more than that to me. My Mother has two older brothers, DJ and Jamie, and one older sister, Valerie. They were all adopted, but you would never be able to tell in a million years because of how close we all are. We all oddly look alike too, so there's that. Any way, my Auntie had beaten cancer so many times, for so many years, and now it was back again. Only this time, things were different. It was everywhere. The first few times she had it, it was in her colon, intestines, stomach, places that they could target and remove the mass or at least centralize the chemotherapy. This time, it was in her colon, intestines, stomach, esophagus, lymph nodes, bones, I really do mean everywhere. Around Christmas, my Mother went up to Wisconsin to visit her. I had to stay home because I couldn't get out of work. This is really where my time management came in. I regret not going to see her so often, because had I known, I would have been there in a heartbeat.

When Rachel, my mother, came back I could tell things weren't good. My cousin Nickolaus had gotten married in April the year before and the difference between my Auntie then and around Christmas was unbelievable. However, she had beat it how many times before, so why would this time be any different? Well, it was. And around April of my senior year, all of my family went to visit her in her Hospice. I had spoken to my cousin Jennifer on the phone before going up to visit, and her exact words were, "Whatever you're envisioning in your head, it's a million times worse." She was right. Had I known that Christmas would have been the last time that my Auntie was able to talk to me, or recognize me, or move her arms to see me, I would not have missed it for anything. The experience of seeing someone you love so much, in so much pain, and so helpless, is something that no one can imagine unless you go through it. I learned so much about life and family and friends while I was there, it was unbelievable. The strength she had to the very end was truly inspiring.

We couldn't stay there forever though. We extended our flight twice for two days, because everyday we thought was going to be the last day. But eventually, we really did have to go home. Going back to the three jobs, the commitments, the college credits and straight A's, seemed ridiculous at first. Why did it even matter any more when that is what can happen?

It took me a little while to see that what I had been doing wasn't exactly what I needed to be doing. Valerie lived this amazingly full life because she was busy, because she cared, and because she always tried her best, and, because she always made time for herself, but much more importantly other people. That now, is always what I do. I can see now that being busy is a good thing, but you don't always have to be so busy that you never have time for yourself or others. I still worked my three jobs, and I still got the good grades, but I started to take time for myself. To do the things I wanted to do. To see a movie here and there. To read a book not required for a class. To hang out with my family and friends more. Because life comes at you quick, and it isn't worth it to waste it doing what you think you should do, when you will be just fine doing you want to do.